Day 07 → Someone who has made your life worth living for.

For the number of lows I've had there's a fair few people on this list, close family, friends, people I love. As I've grown up I've added myself and my future kids to that list. What use is the ride if you don't enjoy it :)

Day 06 → Something you hope you never have to do.

Face the heartbreak of another miscarriage.

Day 05 → Something you hope to do in your life.

My list of things I want to do in my life is so long and gets new things added to it almost daily. Which I like because the day I find myself with nothing that I want to achieve will be the day I die and even then dying will be my set task :P

A few things I want to do in my life are:

Work with LGBT young people

Have a family

Create a home

Have semi-harmony between my future pack of dogs, cats and children

Day 04 → Something you have to forgive someone for.

Not being strong enough to make the tough decisions.

Day 03 → Something you have to forgive yourself for.

Running away when I get scared. I haven't forgiven myself, to some degree I doubt I ever will. I suppose this is what you could say I hate about myself. But at the same time I needed to go where I went, I needed to become who I am. Still not happy about the way I did things though.

Day 02 → Something you love about yourself.

I feel a bit like Day 01, I don't really go to extremes with myself.

I love my technology addiction, it amuses me greatly during things like traffic jams and family occasions.

I love my new panda hat but thats not really me, just an expression of my silliness.

I love my feistiness. It can get me into a lot of trouble but I love who/what I love passionately and I'm prepared to fight or just get lippy to protect them.

I love my listening abilities. I love my open-mindedness. I love my beliefs.

I love this chocolate cake ^_^

Day 01 → Something you hate about yourself.

I've started this a few times and I'm finding it hard. Usually I can be so flippant with remarks like I hate my thighs or I hate my big toe but actually writing it in a blog is tough because I don't really hate anything about myself. I have my flaws and I've made my mistakes but right now I love who I am and all my mistakes and bits that I hate and have hated are a part of who I am now.

So there ya go, I'm an optimistic bugger. Get used to it :P

30 Days of Truth

Keeping with my trend of 30 Day Blog Challenges here's my latest one, starting tomorrow :)

Day 01 → Something you hate about yourself.
Day 02 → Something you love about yourself.
Day 03 → Something you have to forgive yourself for.
Day 04 → Something you have to forgive someone for.
Day 05 → Something you hope to do in your life.
Day 06 → Something you hope you never have to do.
Day 07 → Someone who has made your life worth living for.
Day 08 → Someone who made your life hell, or treated you like shit.
Day 09 → Someone you didn’t want to let go, but just drifted.
Day 10 → Someone you need to let go, or wish you didn’t know.
Day 11 → Something people seem to compliment you the most on.
Day 12 → Something you never get compliments on.
Day 13 → A band or artist that has gotten you through some tough ass days. (write a letter.)
Day 14 → A hero that has let you down. (letter)
Day 15 → Something or someone you couldn’t live without, because you’ve tried living without it.
Day 16 → Someone or something you definitely could live without.
Day 17 → A book you’ve read that changed your views on something.
Day 18 → Your views on gay marriage.
Day 19 → What do you think of religion? Or what do you think of politics?
Day 20 → Your views on drugs and alcohol.
Day 21 → (scenario) Your best friend is in a car accident and you two got into a fight an hour before. What do you do?
Day 22 → Something you wish you hadn’t done in your life.
Day 23 → Something you wish you had done in your life.
Day 24 → Make a playlist to someone, and explain why you chose all the songs. (Just post the titles and artists and letter)
Day 25 → The reason you believe you’re still alive today.
Day 26 → Have you ever thought about giving up on life? If so, when and why?
Day 27 → What’s the best thing going for you right now?
Day 28 → What if you were pregnant or got someone pregnant, what would you do?
Day 29 → Something you hope to change about yourself. And why.
Day 30 → A letter to yourself, tell yourself EVERYTHING you love about yourself

Day 30 – Anything LGBT you’d like to end this on :]

Gay by nature, proud by choice.

Happy holidays :]

Day 29 – SHOUT SOMETHING! IT CAN BE HAPPY AND ABOUT PRIDE OR ABOUT WHY YOU HATE HOMOPHOBIA!

IT'S WELL NICER OUTSIDE THE CLOSET!!! xD

Day 28 – Write a letter to someone. It can be a coming out letter or a letter regarding how you hate their homophobia or whatnot

To my 19 year old self, on your birthday,

Hi :) I'm you in just a few years time. Hard to believe isn't it? It's a tough time for you right now. I wish I could say it gets better immediately, but sometimes things need to get worse before they get better, so that you really appreciate the good times when they come.

You're on the verge of discovering so much, and all I can tell you is do follow your gut instincts. It will lead you to an incredible part of yourself, something that you will dispute, and something that will change your whole world. But it is you, and we're nothing if not a survivor right? I wish I could tell you your faith will get you through. You're going to continue on your journey to find what you really believe in. The Catholic Church will only keep disappointing you. Please do not hate yourself. It's the religion you were brought up in, you had no reason to ever doubt it and it is their loss.

Gill this is a time of huge confusion for you. The guy you're sitting with, he's going to bring you nothing but heartache, but your heart already knows that. August is going to be a particularly hard time for you with relation to him, and it will be a very long time until you can talk about it to anybody. Keep going, there is a reason to everything, no matter how cruel it may seem.

You're gonna get there hun. Your next birthday will be so much happier, I promise you. For your own sake, accept things you can't change. You can't change the fundamentals of who you are but you can change what you do with who you are.

You're an amazing person.

Love, your 21 and 3/4 year old self.

X x

Day 27 – Your favorite LGBT blog/tumblr/site

http://doyouwannaknowhowigotmyscars.wordpress.com

Without a doubt this is my favorite LGBT blog. Despite anything that has gone on between the author and myself it's always been a source of entertainment, news and opinions that is undoubtedly her all over!

Day 26 – Your favorite gay joke (we all need to laugh at ourselves)

What does a gay man bring to a second date?
What second date?

What does a lesbian bring to a second date?
A U-Haul


:P

Day 25 – The LGBT slur you hate most or if you’ve taken back a slur and used it as a definition, ie queer or fag

I really dislike faggot, and have turned it round saying 'Oh yes he most definitely is a bundle of sticks would ya look at the limbs on him!'. I dislike it so much because it's the most commonly used slur against gay people that I've heard, I'd put bets on it being the word thrown at my uncle before he had his face slashed outside a gay bar in the 80's.

Day 24 – The stupidest argument/comment you’ve heard about gay people or an LGBT issue

Probably one of the biggest ones, that being LGBT is a choice. Do you really think I chose a life of discrimination and half measures? A life of always watching my back to see if it's safe for me to be myself? Having to drop my significant others hand when we think it's not safe to be seen holding hands? Of course I didn't choose this life. What I chose was not to deny myself who I really am. Not to live a half live, ignoring my real feelings and desires. I chose to act on who I am, and to embrace who I am because life really is too short to live in fear of the haters.

Hate is a choice. Love is natural. Your actions will define you.

Day 23 – An LGBT image that makes you cry or makes you angry

This kinda shit pisses me off:



I don't give a rats ass what religion you follow or what your God says, religion is a personal CHOICE and shouldn't be shoved down the throats of others. I'm sure if the Catholics (as this is the only major religion I know relatively well) bothered reading their Bible a bit more closely they'd see that hating your neighbor is also wrong and that God loves everybody.

This makes me cry:

Day 22 – An LGBT image that makes you smile

Stolen from a friends blog, definitely the sweetest LGBT image I've seen:

Day 21 – Political LGBT issue that is closest to you or affects you most

Children of same sex parents ‘do just as well’
By Evelyn Ring
Friday, May 08, 2009
CHILDREN raised in same sex families do just as well as other children living with heterosexual parents, an Irish child expert has claimed.



Co-director of the Children’s Research Centre at Trinity College Dublin, Prof Sheila Greene, said there was no evidence that children in lesbian and gay families were experiencing the kind of problems that some people had predicted.

Prof Greene said: "Children within gay and lesbian families are not any more or less gay, they are not confused and they don’t suffer from mental health problems to any greater or lesser extend than children being reared by a biological mother and father."

She said debates about who should and should not parent children in Ireland must be informed by scientific evidence rather than unfounded assumptions, and sometimes biased beliefs, about the outcomes for children in lesbian and gay families.

The professor was one of the guest speakers at a national symposium called Marriage Matters for Lesbian and Gay People in Dublin, organised by the National Gay and Lesbian Federation.

She said it was now widely accepted that of the many reasons why children develop emotional or behavioural problems, the sexual orientation of parents did not appear to be one.

But Prof Greene said being raised by lesbian and gay parents was not plain sailing and she urged parents to be aware of the challenges that their children might face.

It was already known from recent Irish research that there was a high level of homophobia and bullying among young people.

"If children are teased because they wear glasses or because their parents were separated, it was reasonable to expect that children may be teased because of the sexual orientation of their parents.

"This will mean that children may have bad moments, like any others, not that they will be psychologically scarred or suffer from mental health problem. The important issue is that parents must be tuned into the needs of their children," she said.

Meanwhile, well known British-based human rights and gay rights campaigner, Peter Tatchell, said the Irish Government’s proposed civil partnership legislation was a big mistake and an insult to same-sex couples.

"It is a rejection of marriage equality. Separate laws for gay people are not equal laws," said Mr Tatchell.

The campaigner urged the Irish Government not to go down the same road as Britain with its flawed system of civil partnerships.

This story appeared in the printed version of the Irish Examiner Friday, May 08, 2009


Read more: http://www.irishexaminer.com/ireland/snkfcwmhmh/rss2/#ixzz17iYqujgG








Now why can't the government read this kinda stuff, the proven research, instead of listening to the people lining their pockets.

Day 20 – Maureen or Joanne? (Or your favorite LGBTQ show or queer-positive show)

Argh you would give me the impossible question. Joanne for a fling, some crazy fun. Maureen for keeps.



I'm wildly in love with Skins Gen2's Naiomily (Emily and Naiomi), they're incredible. I want somebody to love me like that.

Day 19 – Butch or Femme?

I'm quite femme, dresses on special occasions, make up, skinny jeans and high heeled boots and the like. I tend to be more attracted to butches however, short hair, androgynous dress sense, cheeky smile. *swoons*

Day 18 – Something about the LGBTQ community you don’t understand or have a question about

The bitching and in fighting. Seriously lads, we have enough on our plates to be dealing with!

Day 17 – Your first experience with an LGBT organization or event (Day of Silence, Pride, etc)

My very first encounter with the LGBT community was seeing the entire Pride parade of 2007 go past my bus as we sat in traffic. I loved it, the colours, the atmosphere, the passion that you could so obviously see exuding from these bright happy people.

My first 'face to face' encounter with the LGBT community was over a year later, when I'd figured out I was anything but heterosexual and had picked apart my cost little straight life to take a look at why I was so deeply unhappy. It was post Pride 2008, and I had found the youth group BeLonG To while website hoping (like channel hoping only online). I was utterly terrified to go to their Sunday group. I had waited till my family was out of town so I didn't need to put my pathetic lying skills under undue pressure. I shook the entire bus ride to town and the whole walk to the community center was rushed, my head watching my feet and navigating a part of town I wasn't all that familiar with. Four or five hours later after a flurry of names and faces, hugs and so much information I was totally convinced that I was going back the next week. Right after I came out to my parents. I don't do things by halves ;)

Day 16 – A picture from your first LGBT relationship or of your first LGBT crush

She probably wasn't my first LGBT crush but she's definitely the one I remember most vividly:





Specifically in this movie:






Yum ^_^

Day 15 – Your favorite LGBT quote

"Somewhere in Des Moines or San Antonio there is a young gay person who all the sudden realizes that he or she is gay; knows that if their parents find out they will be tossed out of the house, their classmates will taunt the child, and the Anita Bryant's and John Briggs' are doing their part on TV. And that child has several options: staying in the closet, and suicide. And then one day that child might open the paper that says "Homosexual elected in San Francisco" and there are two new options: the option is to go to California, or stay in San Antonio and fight. Two days after I was elected I got a phone call and the voice was quite young. It was from Altoona, Pennsylvania. And the person said "Thanks". And you've got to elect gay people, so that thousand upon thousands like that child know that there is hope for a better world; there is hope for a better tomorrow. Without hope, not only gays, but those who are blacks, the Asians, the disabled, the seniors, the us's: without hope the us's give up. I know that you can't live on hope alone, but without it, life is not worth living. And you, and you, and you, and you have got to give them hope." - Harvey Milk, 1978

Day 14 – Your favorite LGBT song or artist

Although she's not LGBT I absolutely adore this woman:



Her songs are mostly gender ambiguous and she always gives a shout-out to her LGBT fans at concerts. Plus she's friggin hot!

How To Survive a Lesbian Relationship Break-Up

Whether you have left your partner, or she has left you, surviving a lesbian break-up is hard. Sometimes it may feel like you may never recover from the break-up. But you will. These tips might make recovering from a break-up easier.

Difficulty: Hard

Time Required: Can Take a Year or More

Here's How:

Recognize what has happened.
The first thing you might be feeling is, "I can't believe this is happening!" Shock and denial are normal in the early stages of recovery from a break-up. You keep thinking you'll wake up from the bad dream or that your lover will return. This is the first step in the grieving process. Once you begin to believe that it's really over, you're ready to move on to the next step of healing from a break-up.

Next you might feel anger toward your partner.
Good, this is the second step of grieving. At this time, it is a good idea to get away from your partner. If you live together, move out or go stay with some friends. Too many lesbian couples continue to live together after they break up. If you can't afford to move out, go stay with a friend for a while. You need to separate to get a clear head. Don't drive by her house or ask friends about her new girlfriend, you'll only torture yourself.

Get support.
Call on your friends. Your friends, not your mutual friends. At this time you need someone who is going to take your side. You don't need a reasonable voice at this time. You need a friend who will nod in agreement at every horrible thing your ex has done. She'll tell you how wonderful you are and how much better off you are without her. There's plenty of time to be reasonable in the future. Right now you need to vent.

Mourn, but don't wallow.
Feeling sad is normal. Yes, it's okay to cry, scream and feel pity for yourself. But don't allow the situation to turn you into a bitter human being. Give yourself up to a year to grieve. If after that time you're still welling up with tears at the thought of her, it's time to see a therapist. Something else is probably going on to cause your sadness.

Get Closure.
Say the things to her that you need to and leave it at that. If she won't see you face to face, send her a letter. Beware of e-mail, where you can write something regrettable and impulsively hit send. If you choose to communicate by e-mail, be sure to wait 24 hours before sending off your letter.

No Rebounds.
It sure can be tempting to enter into a new relationship to help you forget the old one. But if you don't give yourself time to heal and reflect on what happened with the last one, you're bound to repeat the same patterns.

Let it all out.
Get your feelings out in healthy ways. Write them down, make a painting, write a fantastic break-up song, listen to great break-up songs, go for a run. Let it out in what ever way feels best to you. Avoid turning to drugs or alcohol. They will only make the situation worse.

Look at yourself.
What went wrong with the relationship to cause it to end? Every relationship is a two-person dynamic. Try to identify what part she played and what part you played. If you take ownership of your role, you'll be less likely to repeat the same mistakes in your next relationship. Beware playing the blame game. Getting angry at yourself for your mistakes will not help. You just want to recognize what you did so the next time you're aware of your dynamic.

"That which does not destroy us will make us stronger."
Remember this. This is a hard time and you WILL get through it. Look at this as an opportunity for growth and to test your strength as a human being. When it feels like too much, be sure to call on those support systems.

"Let go and let God."
You can't control what another person does, but you can control how you react. Pray, meditate, read inspirational stories, whatever will get you through. Remember others have been through this and came out on the other side and you will too. Breathe in and out. It will get better.

Day 13 – Your favorite LGBT role model/celebrity

I must have started this post 10 times over the past few days. So I'm looking at it from a new perspective tonight.

My LGBT role models change quite regularly, like most things with me! There are a few that have remained constant however. As a collective I have huge respect and admiration for BeLonG To Youth Services. Partly because of the high standards of youth work they maintain no matter what is thrown their way, partly because they have created such a strong name and image for themselves within the LGBT community. When I qualify (ie. when I grow up) I want to work with an organization like them.

On a broader scale I admire the It Gets Better Project founder Dan Savage and all the people who have contributed to the project. Such is my admiration and belief in the project I had this tattooed recently:

Day 12 – Your favorite LGBT movie (or one you’d like to see)

I have two and they were both shown to me on the same day! The first is Boy's Don't Cry.





It's the harrowing true story of Brandon Teena, a trans man in America in the late 80's and early 90's.


My second is RENT




I got so upset watching Boys Don't Cry (I was quite hysterical, it took a half hour to calm me down) that RENT was put on, to cheer me up. It definitely worked, and there were tears throughout, once you break the seal thats it! It is my most watched LGBT film.

Day 11 – Your favorite LGBT book (or one you’d like to read)

Without a shadow of a doubt this is the best LGBT book I have ever started and mean to finish.

Day 10 – What does marriage mean to you?

I'm in two minds about marriage, my romantic side and my practical side.

Practically marriage is about security. It's a step you take, when combining your life with somebody you love, to protect your assets should anything ever happen to the other person or to you. It's a step you take to protect the children you have together. It's a piece of paper that affords you some nice tax breaks and a good status in society. And as much as people say that these things don't matter it is only to a very few. The majority of people do think about these things and want them, secretly or not.

Romantically I think marriage is about promising another person that you're gonna try your damnedest to make your relationship work, in good times and bad times, because you love them. It's a commitment to the life you've both planned and created together.

No matter how marriage is defined or what it means to people I think it is completely ridiculous to claim that LGBT people fighting for the right to marry is destroying it's sanctity. If anything is destroying the sanctity of marriage it's divorce! I hope that someday I will have somebody that I want to marry, and when that time comes that I will have the right to marry her. I will continue to fight for my future happiness, and the security of my future family. I'm only human after all.

Day 9 – What do you think about LGBT Pride? Is it helpful or hurtful? Encouraged or unnecessary?

My views sway about Pride but not about the celebration itself, about the sheer amount of alcohol that the event seems to center around, or ends up centering around despite what the Pride committee do.

LGBT Pride is an important event, one that encourages the community to get out and celebrate being themselves. The day that LGBT people don't receive any form of harassment for their sexuality is the day that Pride will start to become unnecessary for me. But until that day I believe we should be out there, every summer, to keep showing the world who we are.

Day 8 – What do you think the closet or being closeted means to you?

clos·et
n.
1. A cabinet or enclosed recess for linens, household supplies, or clothing.
2. A small private chamber, as for study or prayer.
3. A water closet; a toilet.
4. A state of secrecy or cautious privacy: Two days before the election, the candidate suddenly came out of the closet and denounced the proposed law.

To enclose or shut up in a private room, as for discussion: closeted themselves with their attorneys.

adj.
1. Private; confidential: closet information.
2. Being so or engaging only in private; secret: a closet proponent of a tax increase; a closet alcoholic.
3. Based on theory and speculation rather than practice.

Thats the dictionary definition of the closet. For me, being in the closet is a lifetime thing. I'm always half in, half out, judging each situation, making sure that it is safe for me to come out and show all of me. Sexuality is a small part of who we are but also such a big part, and it will continue to be a big part for as long as LGBT people face prejudice for just being themselves.

Being closeted has a different meaning for me, it means being forced to stay in the closet, either from fear within yourself (but this fear has to come from somewhere external, we're not born afraid), or from an openly negative environment.

Day 7 – How your parents took it or how you think they might take it

I'm out two and a half years to my parents. It's been a long journey. When I first came out in July 2008 they had no idea what was coming. I sat them down during the break of Emmerdale and just told them outright. My Mum denies this now but her jaw hit the floor and she didn't speak for a good five minutes. Dad went into overdrive, asking me loads of questions, how long I'd know etc. It took them both a long time to even mention it to me again. I was on gay overdrive, so thrilled to be out of the closet and discovering my new community. I must have been tough to love with, especially as it was all so new to them. But gradually they came round to the idea. Mum first. I knew they were okay with it when they started joking, my Mum in particular asking if women were just as bad as men!

They've met a few of my partners over the past 30 months, liked and disliked, but treated them all with the same respect they treated any boy my sister or I ever brought home. They've stood up for me against ignorant family members and adore my girlfriend.

Day 6 – Did you face any problems regarding religion?

I was a very religious kid, went to church every Sunday, said my prayers, wanted to be a nun at one point. The major problem I faced regarding religion was the disappointment I felt. The current Pope has denounced homosexuality as a mortal sin, if I were to continue being a member of the Catholic Church I would have to at best hide my sexuality and at worst go for de-gaying. So I left the Church.

I'm still a spiritual person, I believe in different things, but I won't be getting over the dissapointment of being let down by the Church of my childhood anytime soon.

Day 5 – Thoughts regarding inner turmoil about your sexuality; Did you have any? Did it escalate to self-injury or suicidal thoughts?

Inner turmoil and I know each other very well. To say being gay terrified me is an understatement. I was a good Catholic girl, a quiet girl, I was going to grow up and marry a good man and make my parents and God happy. I also considered being a nun for a while.

I'm still not sure if my turmoil about my sexuality is what led me to become suicidal. It was a combination of a lot of things. I was also (and to an extent still am) an over-eater for the purpose of trying to comfort myself.

Day 4 – The first person you came out to and that story

As I said in Day 3 I tried to tell friends when I was 15. They were convinced I liked somebody in my class and were on at me to tell them who. So I told them I'd made a mistake, I wasn't gay.

The next time I ventured out of the closet I was more sure. I was 19, and it was during my 6 months of 'finding the problem' I'd taken after splitting up with my long term boyfriend. I don't remember the exact details, I was shit scared to actually say it. I was out on a drive round town with a friend and my little sister. I made some comment after we'd passed The George pub and my sister asked me outright if I was gay, to which I replied yes, I was. It felt like forever waiting for her response, but in fact it was merely a few seconds. Again, I don't remember her exact words but it was something along the lines of 'Cool.'.

It was around that time that I joined BeLonG To, the LGBT youth services in Dublin. Soon after I came out to my folks and slowly to everybody else in my life.

Day 3 – How old were you when you knew? What was that like for you?

I knew knew when I was 14. I'd been a sheltered child and I'd known I was different from about age 8 but it took me 6 years to realise what that difference was. It was hard at first, I felt alone and I didn't dare even let myself think about it in case somebody guessed. I put it to the back of my mind and continued trying to blend into the wall.

I tried to tell friends when I was 15 but they didn't understand so back into the closet I went. When I was 16 and doing my Transition Year one of the boys in our inter-school play had a crush on me. I was flattered, nobody had ever looked at me like that or wanted to hang out with me. So we dated but it never felt right. We broke up a few months later and he is still a good friend of mine. I was set up with another boy when I was in my final year of secondary school, a friend of a friends boyfriend. We dated for 18 months, my longest relationship to date. It was easy, we got on well and just plodded on. But I knew it wasn't what I wanted.

I finished secondary and went to university, a good deal away from home, but I was commuting. Away from the routine and regime of school I fell under very quickly and got very depressed. Once I'd been put on anti-depressants I began to realise that I was leading my then boyfriend along and I wasn't happy in our relationship. It killed me but I broke up with him. I spent the next 6 months figuring out what it was I wanted.

And the rest is for another blog.

Day 2 – Did you have any experiences as a child that might have foreshadowed your sexuality?

Apparently (as I have memory issues) when I was 5 I turned to my Mum and aunts and told them that when I grew up I would have loads of babies but I wasn't getting married. Mum says now she should have guessed back then.

To be honest, I led a very sheltered childhood. I always knew I was different but I didn't have the world knowledge to put words on how I felt.

Day 1 – Your sexual orientation or gender identity. Be creative in your definition.

This is something that is always changing for me and probably always will. My current definition of my sexual orientation is homo-flexible: I'm gay but shit happens. I've dated bio males, transguys, butch women, femme women, Americans, I've been around the block and then some. I sway towards pansexual:a person who participates in (or is open to) sexual activities of many kinds, but that doesn't sit right with who I am at the moment.

My gender identity is something I've been pondering for a few months, what it means to be a woman or a man, gender-queer, trans, or just in between. I am biologically a woman and many of my behaviours and tenancies follow that of what society has taught women to be. However as a gay woman I don't always agree with the 'sight quietly and look pretty' default that my gender has been assigned. So I'm a modern woman. A woman who isn't equal to males but wants to be treated with the same respect and given the same chances and opportunities a bio-male would get.

So this became a rant. In short I'm a kinda girly, outspoken, short hair, jeans loving gay woman, who's not afraid of the word dyke, dislikes the word lesbian and is pissed off at society's gender definitions.

Been following a friends blog for a while now and I'm really enjoying her 30 days of LGBT blog series. So I am stealing ^_^ I'll never manage 30 consecutive days so I'll just try to complete it in my own time.

Kudos to her, check out her blog: http://doyouwannaknowhowigotmyscars.wordpress.com/

Day 1 – Your sexual orientation or gender identity. Be creative in your definition.

Day 2 – Did you have any experiences as a child that might have foreshadowed your sexuality?

Day 3 – How old were you when you knew? What was that like for you?

Day 4 – The first person you came out to and that story

Day 5 – Thoughts regarding inner turmoil about your sexuality; Did you have any? Did it escalate to self-injury or suicidal thoughts?

Day 6 – Did you face any problems regarding religion?

Day 7 – How your parents took it or how you think they might take it

Day 8 – What do you think the closet or being closeted means to you?

Day 9 – What do you think about LGBT Pride? Is it helpful or hurtful? Encouraged or unnecessary?

Day 10 – What does marriage mean to you?

Day 11 – Your favorite LGBT book (or one you’d like to read)

Day 12 – Your favorite LGBT movie (or one you’d like to see)

Day 13 – Your favorite LGBT role model/celebrity

Day 14 – Your favorite LGBT song or artist

Day 15 – Your favorite LGBT quote

Day 16 – A picture from your first LGBT relationship or of your first LGBT crush

Day 17 – Your first experience with an LGBT organization or event (Day of Silence, Pride, etc)

Day 18 – Something about the LGBTQ community you don’t understand or have a question about

Day 19 – Butch or Femme?

Day 20 – Maureen or Joanne? (Or your favorite LGBTQ show or queer-positive show)

Day 21 – Political LGBT issue that is closest to you or affects you most

Day 22 – An LGBT image that makes you smile

Day 23 – An LGBT image that makes you cry or makes you angry

Day 24 – The stupidest argument/comment you’ve heard about gay people or an LGBT issue

Day 25 – The LGBT slur you hate most or if you’ve taken back a slur and used it as a definition, ie queer or fag

Day 26 – Your favorite gay joke (we all need to laugh at ourselves)

Day 27 – Your favorite LGBT blog/tumblr/site

Day 28 – Write a letter to someone. It can be a coming out letter or a letter regarding how you hate their homophobia or whatnot. You don’t have to send it.

Day 29 – SHOUT SOMETHING! IT CAN BE HAPPY AND ABOUT PRIDE OR ABOUT WHY YOU HATE HOMOPHOBIA!

Day 30 – Anything LGBT you’d like to end this on :]

Fuck yeah lesbians!

This really resonates with me, especially in my chosen career of youth work. I often feel I'm too 'gay-centric' and feel guilty about that. But if I don't speak out for the people like me then how is that encouraging to the young people I'll work with? Love yourself and all your '-centrics'. Sometimes it's okay to be selfish.

Ahh relationships

I haven't exactly been a hermit (or indeed a slut) for my adult life. More a serial relationshipist. The problem with this is I've been exposed to pretty much every type of crazy there is going and I can't pretend it hasn't affected me. Mostly these effects have been positive, wait a while before getting serious, don't dive in and make her friends yours, don't date somebody to support yourself emotionally, all the things we learn as we find ourselves in the dating world.

Recently however, I can't deny the negative effects my many relationships have had on me. I've had a busy and stressful few months, new college course, a ton of volunteering work, family issues and a new relationship. This relationship is by far the healthiest I've ever been in. But I find myself under stress and conditioned by the way I was treated before. And all of this is coming out on my poor (over worked and also stressed) girlfriend, making things strained between us and causing fights left right and centre.

The perfect partner won't solve all our problems, won't avoid all the mistakes others have made, won't turn us into perfect partners. But they'll make it worth all the heartache and arguing that every relationship will encounter at some point or another.

Love, loss and lesbian drama.

Oh it's been a busy few weeks. I've been living an odd half life, very restless and I feel like something's missing from me and I'm subconsciously fighting to get it back. I know what it is, my beautiful and exquisitely perfect girlfriend has been abroad for the last 5 weeks and will be for the next 5. Though I'm young and admittedly foolish I know there's something different and special about us. It's very different to anything I've felt before, it's almost a quiet gentle completion of me. She's not intrusive but her being in my life has altered me significantly. She perfectly compliments me, and I admire her in new ways every day. My arms ache to hold her close to me again and never let her stray this far for so long.

My heart is a complex and confusing place at the best of times. Old loves, new loves, people too and fro from my physical life but never really leave my heart. I know I'm quick to love and it causes me huge heartache but I wouldn't change it. My life is coming into real formation now, and I can finally see a future for myself, the downside being I now come with baggage and a very real past.

Our past is something we find increasingly hard to escape from in my experience. Despite desperately desiring to run and start a new life somewhere it is impossible for most to achieve this. I think the best most of us can hope for is someone who accepts our past and can see forwards in the same direction you do.

This is gonna be another one about growth. We're growing all the time but different parts of us grow at different times and different rates. My body, as it is, has done most of it's growing. But my mind, my spiritual and emotional selves, are going through a period of significant growth right now. For me, the tender beginnings of this growth were when I was 14. Not much happened, nothing significant, until I was 19 and realized I was in full control of this side of myself. I could choose what paths to follow, hell, I could carve my own path!

I'm reading The Celistine Prophecy currently. It's about how the human population is entering a new era of awareness and understanding of life. The first step is a restlessness, a knowledge that there's something more. but not knowing what it is.

This theory rings true for me. I always thought my restlessness was unique to me, but it turns out I'm just brave enough to change what I dislike about my life. I'm young, I'm making mistakes. The restlessness may never end. But I'm learning how to live with it.

As children we can't wait to grow up. But it's when we're adults that we realize we've lost so much.

Like being silly. When was the last time you were silly? Totally barmy. Just went with the flow. It's been a long time for me. I propose silliness workshops for adults. It would be a fantastic way to release all the crap we carry around with us.

Life is for living, I'm fast realizing that but I find it hard to keep that realization with me all the time. I'm on a journey, it's gonna be a long one I hope because I have so much I want to do and learn. I'm getting good at letting go and meditation. Recently I left a meeting because my head was bursting. Normally I would have given as much as I got but I couldn't hack it. The real growth as human beings happens all the time. I'm in a big period of 'real change'. My early 20's are going to be pretty amazing if I keep learning and growing at the rates I currently am.

Current reading: How to be a Happy Lesbian.

Current Listening: Silly music from my acorn.

Current thoughts: Spiritual

How did we get here?

Have you ever stood still for a moment and wondered how you'd gotten there, to that moment, that place, that age, that situation?

I'm fortunate to have received some great techniques for stopping myself, pausing everything, and bringing myself back to the present moment. Sometimes it works better than others, but for the most part it calms me down, something someone like me, who over thinks, needs a lot!

I've had a very busy few weeks, mentally, emotionally and physically. All faucets of my life have been through the mills but I'm back, standing on strong feet.

The technique I want to share with you comes from an ancient technique, one that is widely known and practiced. I learnt this technique a year go and I've seen vast improvements in myself.

I call it a Stop. Basically it does what it says on the tin.

Sit or stand comfortably, hands relaxed.

Feel the weight of your body on the chair or on your legs.

Listen to the sounds within the room.

Listen to your breathing, in and out, feel it go into your lungs, nourishing your body.

Listen to outside the room, what can you hear?

If your mind wanders bring it back to now gently, listening to your breath in and out.

You can adapt this exercise to your needs, doing a micro-stop or a longer maxi-stop. The effects are calming, it brings you back and centers you.

Late night music emotions blog

Does what it says on the tin. SAY THE WORD, FA-CIN-A-TION. An unhealthy one at that.

Hang on, gotta change Britney.

P!nk, much better. I'm in a pissy mood, heads racing and all I want to do is go and dance like a possessed nutter to get it all out of me. I'm fucked because I live a life of sin.

Thought I'd do some mindfulness but a wise friend once told me its not a great thing to always try to be your best, sometimes you need to feel what you feel and get on with just feeling. So in went the headphones and on went the laptop.

Katy Perry. Kissed a girl and got better from there. You over think, I should know you're no good for me! Trouble is it ain't so black and white, it's an awful murky grey right now.

Sorry I cannot hear you I'm kinda busy... I left my head and my heart on the dancefloor! Oh too true honey. My head wants nothing more than to be blasted out of it so I can't think anymore.

WARNING: This will not be a nice pretty beginning-middle-end post. I'm a disastrous English student. This is a thought-process post.

So... I've been feeling odd for a few weeks now. Very restless, very outside the boxes of society. I had gotten so in-depth with my Jewish studies I had lost touch with my other inner voices. Not the nasty ones, the guiding ones. I spent a week with some of my favorite people in the world. I got back in touch with these guiding voices. My prognosis: utter confusion.

I am not a neat package. I change my mind. I follow flights of fancy and get so wrapped up in them. I proclaim to the world that I'm one thing and a week later take it back. I'm high maintenance.

I am a spiritual person. I'm constantly learning what that means. For a few years I've believed in the energies of the universe, that everything is connected through energy. We spend energy and take it. You cannot destroy energy but you can convert it. It's a scientifically proved thing. But outside of the science stuff I believe there's a lot more to this energy thing. I believe intuition is based on energies, that if we fine tune this sense we can read energies. I believe we're designed to read these energies but because it's not a concrete science it's a skill thats played down.

I'm currently working my way through Kate Barnstein's "My Gender Workbook". It's a fascinatingly hilarious roller-coaster through the social construct of gender and how we can get past it. So at page 31 I've found a brand new box i don't fit into. Gonna go buy some man perfume to celebrate.

I've been anxious for the past few weeks about different things. About how frequently I change paths and how much I let people in only to have to tell them I'm on a new course a few months later. I'm worried I'll never find what I love because I keep growing and searching and changing my mind on things. I have very little that's truly constant in my life and I wonder if thats because I try too hard to make things matter to me when really they don't.

TBC

I'm listening to rainy-mood.com and titanic piano solos on YouTube and my heart is miles away.

"Love is a temporary madness. It erupts like an earthquake and then subsides. And when it subsides you have to make a decision. You have to work out whether your roots have become so entwined together that it is inconceivable that you should ever part. Because this is what love is. Love is not breathlessness, it is not excitement, it is not the promulgation of promises of eternal passion. That is just being "in love" which any of us can convince ourselves we are. Love itself is what is left over when being in love has burned away, and this is both an art and a fortunate accident. Your mother and I had it, we had roots that grew towards each other underground, and when all the pretty blossom had fallen from our branches we found that we were one tree and not two."
-St. Augustine

"A kiss is a lovely trick, designed by nature, to stop words when speech becomes superfluous."
--Ingrid Bergmen

"My night has become a sunny dawn because of you."
--Ibn Abbad

"In dreams and in love there are no impossibilities."
--Janos Arnay

"In my wildest dreams, you always play the hero. In my darkest hour of night, you rescue me, you save my life."
--Bliss and Cerney

"But to see her was to love her, love but her, and love her forever."
--Robert Burns

"You're nothing short of my everything."
--Ralph Block

"I love her and that's the beginning of everything."
--F. Scott Fitzgerald

"I wished for nothing beyond her smile, and to walk with her thus, hand in hand, along a sun-warmed, flower-bordered path."
--Andre Gide

"Love is that condition in which the happiness of another person is essential to your own."
--Robert Heinlein

"It's so easy, To think about Love, To Talk about Love, To wish for Love, But it's not always easy, To recognize Love, Even when we hold it.... In our hands."
--Jaka

"Life has taught us that love does not consist in gazing at each other, but in looking outward together in the same direction."
--Antoine de Saint-Exupery

"Sometimes your nearness takes my breath away; and all the things I want to say can find no voice. Then, in silence, I can only hope my eyes will speak my heart."
--Robert Sexton

"Within you I lose myself. Without you I find myself wanting to become lost again."
--Unknown

"The most wonderful of all things in life is the discovery of another human being with whom one's relationship has a growing depth, beauty and joy as the years increase. This inner progressiveness of love between two human beings is a most marvelous thing; it cannot be found by looking for it or by passionately wishing for it. It is a sort of divine accident, and the most wonderful of all things in life."
--Sir Hugh Walpole

"Love means to commit oneself without guarantee, to give oneself completely in the hope that our love will produce love in the loved person. Love is an act of faith, and whoever is of little faith is also of little love."
--Erich Fromm

"There is no remedy for love but to love more."
--Henry David Thoreau

Women

I love women. Love. Strong word but it can only begin to explain my fascination with the female being.

I love their aura, the way sunlight bounces off their skin, their amazingly creative ways of always looking individual and absolutely incredible.

I love how each woman brings something new to the table. How each woman is a nurturer, a smile waiting to happen.

This love first began when I was quite young. Girls were amazing, powerful, clever. Girls could ruin my life in a way boys never could.

I had my first girl crush aged 14. It terrified me. To the child of a strict Catholic upbringing it was worse than a mortal sin. I thought I had this flashing light following me, a billboard above my head that showed my innermost thoughts for the whole world to read and find weird, odd, wrong.

I landed in bisexual land aged 15, telling two close friends who interrogated me. I ran back to my closet but they never said a word.

I felt different. I was always different. I saw things in a way others never did. Like my eyes were different to everyone else's. I saw women. Powerful women. Women rule the world. I became outraged at patriarchal society for stifling women, for hiding us away in our kitchens. We have so much more to offer the world than kitchens.

I always considered myself a feminist. It was one label that never scared me. Not like lesbian. Lesbian scared me. Lesbian meant being harassed by the straight girls, having short hair and wearing Doc Martins. It meant never being understood by society and being an outcast.

I don't call myself a lesbian. I identify with 'gay woman' more than lesbian. Lesbian for me means the older generation, the bulldykes who hate all men and wear vegan clothing. I am a gay woman.

I am a gay, feminist Jewish woman. Liberal of course. Women light the candles, bring in the Sabbath, are a vital part of the community.

Women will one day rule the world. Men are dying off. Most of the Y chromosome (the boy one) is useless. Someday there will be just women.

I'm reading The Vagina Monologues. I want to perform it someday with a full lesbian cast. I believe in the power of women to change the world.

iPhone, iPhone, iPhone. For a long time I debated purchasing the biggest craze the phone market has seen. At first my argument was it wasn't on my network. Then I convinced myself it was just a huge hype. Then that it would be updated so much I'd be left wanting the newer version.

However my desire to experience this undeniably phenomenal piece of technology finally got the best of me. After a particularly hard few months I decided that I DESERVED this beautiful work of metal, glass and magic. To adverts.ie! In less than 72 hours I have myself a new child. And I kid you not (excuse the horrible pun) it is like a child to me. I tuck it into bed beside me so it can monitor my sleep, I have it wrapped in a hard shell to prevent from broken screens.

I am (once again) in love with a piece of technology.