To my 19 year old self, on your birthday,
Hi :) I'm you in just a few years time. Hard to believe isn't it? It's a tough time for you right now. I wish I could say it gets better immediately, but sometimes things need to get worse before they get better, so that you really appreciate the good times when they come.
You're on the verge of discovering so much, and all I can tell you is do follow your gut instincts. It will lead you to an incredible part of yourself, something that you will dispute, and something that will change your whole world. But it is you, and we're nothing if not a survivor right? I wish I could tell you your faith will get you through. You're going to continue on your journey to find what you really believe in. The Catholic Church will only keep disappointing you. Please do not hate yourself. It's the religion you were brought up in, you had no reason to ever doubt it and it is their loss.
Gill this is a time of huge confusion for you. The guy you're sitting with, he's going to bring you nothing but heartache, but your heart already knows that. August is going to be a particularly hard time for you with relation to him, and it will be a very long time until you can talk about it to anybody. Keep going, there is a reason to everything, no matter how cruel it may seem.
You're gonna get there hun. Your next birthday will be so much happier, I promise you. For your own sake, accept things you can't change. You can't change the fundamentals of who you are but you can change what you do with who you are.
You're an amazing person.
Love, your 21 and 3/4 year old self.
X x
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