Saturday, July 3, 2010

Love, loss and lesbian drama.

Oh it's been a busy few weeks. I've been living an odd half life, very restless and I feel like something's missing from me and I'm subconsciously fighting to get it back. I know what it is, my beautiful and exquisitely perfect girlfriend has been abroad for the last 5 weeks and will be for the next 5. Though I'm young and admittedly foolish I know there's something different and special about us. It's very different to anything I've felt before, it's almost a quiet gentle completion of me. She's not intrusive but her being in my life has altered me significantly. She perfectly compliments me, and I admire her in new ways every day. My arms ache to hold her close to me again and never let her stray this far for so long.

My heart is a complex and confusing place at the best of times. Old loves, new loves, people too and fro from my physical life but never really leave my heart. I know I'm quick to love and it causes me huge heartache but I wouldn't change it. My life is coming into real formation now, and I can finally see a future for myself, the downside being I now come with baggage and a very real past.

Our past is something we find increasingly hard to escape from in my experience. Despite desperately desiring to run and start a new life somewhere it is impossible for most to achieve this. I think the best most of us can hope for is someone who accepts our past and can see forwards in the same direction you do.