I'm not big on blaming other people for how my life is or what has happened to make it good or bad. Probably because I've never had somebody who has collided with me head on and made every second of every day unbearable.
Thats not saying I haven't been treated badly by some people, it's been a more subtle destruction.
I have a horrible habit of running away when I get scared. I'll go to the person who offers me freedom from whatever it is that scares me, who distracts me so I don't have to face it right now. It's because of this tendency that people have been able to hurt me. I become wrapped up in the distraction, not really seeing what is going on around me or what the person is doing to me.
I've lost so much because of this, love, respect, trust, months upon months of my life. I've hurt friends and family and myself. It has made me stronger but I still can't forgive what I've done to the people I love the most.
I suppose you could say, I've made my own life hell.
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