Been following a friends blog for a while now and I'm really enjoying her 30 days of LGBT blog series. So I am stealing ^_^ I'll never manage 30 consecutive days so I'll just try to complete it in my own time.

Kudos to her, check out her blog: http://doyouwannaknowhowigotmyscars.wordpress.com/

Day 1 – Your sexual orientation or gender identity. Be creative in your definition.

Day 2 – Did you have any experiences as a child that might have foreshadowed your sexuality?

Day 3 – How old were you when you knew? What was that like for you?

Day 4 – The first person you came out to and that story

Day 5 – Thoughts regarding inner turmoil about your sexuality; Did you have any? Did it escalate to self-injury or suicidal thoughts?

Day 6 – Did you face any problems regarding religion?

Day 7 – How your parents took it or how you think they might take it

Day 8 – What do you think the closet or being closeted means to you?

Day 9 – What do you think about LGBT Pride? Is it helpful or hurtful? Encouraged or unnecessary?

Day 10 – What does marriage mean to you?

Day 11 – Your favorite LGBT book (or one you’d like to read)

Day 12 – Your favorite LGBT movie (or one you’d like to see)

Day 13 – Your favorite LGBT role model/celebrity

Day 14 – Your favorite LGBT song or artist

Day 15 – Your favorite LGBT quote

Day 16 – A picture from your first LGBT relationship or of your first LGBT crush

Day 17 – Your first experience with an LGBT organization or event (Day of Silence, Pride, etc)

Day 18 – Something about the LGBTQ community you don’t understand or have a question about

Day 19 – Butch or Femme?

Day 20 – Maureen or Joanne? (Or your favorite LGBTQ show or queer-positive show)

Day 21 – Political LGBT issue that is closest to you or affects you most

Day 22 – An LGBT image that makes you smile

Day 23 – An LGBT image that makes you cry or makes you angry

Day 24 – The stupidest argument/comment you’ve heard about gay people or an LGBT issue

Day 25 – The LGBT slur you hate most or if you’ve taken back a slur and used it as a definition, ie queer or fag

Day 26 – Your favorite gay joke (we all need to laugh at ourselves)

Day 27 – Your favorite LGBT blog/tumblr/site

Day 28 – Write a letter to someone. It can be a coming out letter or a letter regarding how you hate their homophobia or whatnot. You don’t have to send it.

Day 29 – SHOUT SOMETHING! IT CAN BE HAPPY AND ABOUT PRIDE OR ABOUT WHY YOU HATE HOMOPHOBIA!

Day 30 – Anything LGBT you’d like to end this on :]

Fuck yeah lesbians!

This really resonates with me, especially in my chosen career of youth work. I often feel I'm too 'gay-centric' and feel guilty about that. But if I don't speak out for the people like me then how is that encouraging to the young people I'll work with? Love yourself and all your '-centrics'. Sometimes it's okay to be selfish.

Ahh relationships

I haven't exactly been a hermit (or indeed a slut) for my adult life. More a serial relationshipist. The problem with this is I've been exposed to pretty much every type of crazy there is going and I can't pretend it hasn't affected me. Mostly these effects have been positive, wait a while before getting serious, don't dive in and make her friends yours, don't date somebody to support yourself emotionally, all the things we learn as we find ourselves in the dating world.

Recently however, I can't deny the negative effects my many relationships have had on me. I've had a busy and stressful few months, new college course, a ton of volunteering work, family issues and a new relationship. This relationship is by far the healthiest I've ever been in. But I find myself under stress and conditioned by the way I was treated before. And all of this is coming out on my poor (over worked and also stressed) girlfriend, making things strained between us and causing fights left right and centre.

The perfect partner won't solve all our problems, won't avoid all the mistakes others have made, won't turn us into perfect partners. But they'll make it worth all the heartache and arguing that every relationship will encounter at some point or another.

Love, loss and lesbian drama.

Oh it's been a busy few weeks. I've been living an odd half life, very restless and I feel like something's missing from me and I'm subconsciously fighting to get it back. I know what it is, my beautiful and exquisitely perfect girlfriend has been abroad for the last 5 weeks and will be for the next 5. Though I'm young and admittedly foolish I know there's something different and special about us. It's very different to anything I've felt before, it's almost a quiet gentle completion of me. She's not intrusive but her being in my life has altered me significantly. She perfectly compliments me, and I admire her in new ways every day. My arms ache to hold her close to me again and never let her stray this far for so long.

My heart is a complex and confusing place at the best of times. Old loves, new loves, people too and fro from my physical life but never really leave my heart. I know I'm quick to love and it causes me huge heartache but I wouldn't change it. My life is coming into real formation now, and I can finally see a future for myself, the downside being I now come with baggage and a very real past.

Our past is something we find increasingly hard to escape from in my experience. Despite desperately desiring to run and start a new life somewhere it is impossible for most to achieve this. I think the best most of us can hope for is someone who accepts our past and can see forwards in the same direction you do.

This is gonna be another one about growth. We're growing all the time but different parts of us grow at different times and different rates. My body, as it is, has done most of it's growing. But my mind, my spiritual and emotional selves, are going through a period of significant growth right now. For me, the tender beginnings of this growth were when I was 14. Not much happened, nothing significant, until I was 19 and realized I was in full control of this side of myself. I could choose what paths to follow, hell, I could carve my own path!

I'm reading The Celistine Prophecy currently. It's about how the human population is entering a new era of awareness and understanding of life. The first step is a restlessness, a knowledge that there's something more. but not knowing what it is.

This theory rings true for me. I always thought my restlessness was unique to me, but it turns out I'm just brave enough to change what I dislike about my life. I'm young, I'm making mistakes. The restlessness may never end. But I'm learning how to live with it.

As children we can't wait to grow up. But it's when we're adults that we realize we've lost so much.

Like being silly. When was the last time you were silly? Totally barmy. Just went with the flow. It's been a long time for me. I propose silliness workshops for adults. It would be a fantastic way to release all the crap we carry around with us.

Life is for living, I'm fast realizing that but I find it hard to keep that realization with me all the time. I'm on a journey, it's gonna be a long one I hope because I have so much I want to do and learn. I'm getting good at letting go and meditation. Recently I left a meeting because my head was bursting. Normally I would have given as much as I got but I couldn't hack it. The real growth as human beings happens all the time. I'm in a big period of 'real change'. My early 20's are going to be pretty amazing if I keep learning and growing at the rates I currently am.

Current reading: How to be a Happy Lesbian.

Current Listening: Silly music from my acorn.

Current thoughts: Spiritual

How did we get here?

Have you ever stood still for a moment and wondered how you'd gotten there, to that moment, that place, that age, that situation?

I'm fortunate to have received some great techniques for stopping myself, pausing everything, and bringing myself back to the present moment. Sometimes it works better than others, but for the most part it calms me down, something someone like me, who over thinks, needs a lot!

I've had a very busy few weeks, mentally, emotionally and physically. All faucets of my life have been through the mills but I'm back, standing on strong feet.

The technique I want to share with you comes from an ancient technique, one that is widely known and practiced. I learnt this technique a year go and I've seen vast improvements in myself.

I call it a Stop. Basically it does what it says on the tin.

Sit or stand comfortably, hands relaxed.

Feel the weight of your body on the chair or on your legs.

Listen to the sounds within the room.

Listen to your breathing, in and out, feel it go into your lungs, nourishing your body.

Listen to outside the room, what can you hear?

If your mind wanders bring it back to now gently, listening to your breath in and out.

You can adapt this exercise to your needs, doing a micro-stop or a longer maxi-stop. The effects are calming, it brings you back and centers you.